I Hate Myself...

I Hate myself so bad... 

Why I can't be as I want - strong, pretty, smart... People are right - I'm useless, stupid and FAT!!!!

FAT FAT FAT FAT FAT...Like a pig...big fat stupid pig... I don't know why I thing if I lose weight I can be better. Why the look is so important for us? Why I can't be happy with myself? Why my body hate me so much, why I hate my body, so badly I want change shape - Want be skinny, I don't want be "sexy -curvy" I want be Thin and skinny, have gap between my legs, flat stomach, no bump, I want a look of model - I want feel my bones .

I almost don't remember that feeling when your bones hurts you while you lying on bed... It was feel so good... Feeling your trousers are to big for you so you have to keep them pulling up... People asking you: are you OK, are you on diet, or are you sick... Friends ask you to stop losing more weight because you already lose so much... 

I almost forgot all that feeling... I want that feeling to back ... 

I know it's to late now to lose 20 pounds before my holiday ( one week left). Feel so bad because of that...disappointment....

I will starve myself for that week I know it's not possible to look as good as I want, but at less I will be feel empty... And maybe I will wear my trousers... maybe...

I can blame only myself... I binge all week..all last tree weeks...

Stupid fat cow....

All my friends look so good... just perfect, they lose weight, they have pretty skin, nice hair, and Me?! I'm just UGLY...

I hate myself...